Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
