A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
