normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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