I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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