I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
