I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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