Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
