dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude i'm inner monologue high
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
