I am midnight drunk by noon
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize