she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
