Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
