Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
