walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
