We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
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If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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