I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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