I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
