I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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