I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
