My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
