you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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