I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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