Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
