We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
