Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
