I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
