Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
