Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
