There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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