And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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