She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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