I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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