you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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