I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
