I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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