Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
