shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
