Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
