Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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