OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize