tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
