Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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