You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
