youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
