I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
