i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
