Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
