I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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