Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
