Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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