the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
