You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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