if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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