Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
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How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
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Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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