Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
