i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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