You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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