omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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