Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
