I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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